Discussion of the Day
Friends who criticise you
Breezy12309-Jun-23
Criticism is envy, right? I get criticised so often by my "friends".
I just really don't understand why people do this. It really brings me down. No matter what I say to them. It's outta envy, right?
Comments
  • Missy Wyld
    they are NOT ur friends cut them loose ASAP :( u deserve better
    ·
    • Robert F 1161011
      They wouldn't, because they're smart enough to know that criticizing me would accomplish nothing.
      ·
      • Lee b 979050
        Breezy I don't like that stern look and you could neaten up your hair a bit. Oh and that top you're wearing really? Stripes? What were you thinking? Breezy I'm so envious right now If you don't like what they say tell them to go and..... If they don't like it when you tell them to go and..... Then they're not really friends Breezy relax life is way to short. I'll be you're friend but expect the truth the whole truth and nothing but the truth. Your welcome
        ·
        • tracy h 614228
          I think constructive criticism is not bad if it comes from a caring perspective
          ·
          • Carrie C 565223
            They’re not friends they’re jealous insecure people . Distance your self from them you’ll be happier and they can stay unhappy .
            ·
            • Christina P 1042585
              Most of the time those friends are just bullys,they take pleasure in criticizing others
              ·
              • Rosalie 1259112
                if its a constructive criticism there is nothing wrong with that
                ·
                • clifford s
                  maybe they are not your true friends,obviosly jealous about your good looks or your good manners??
                  ·
                  • Denise C (Qld)
                    Dont know never really experienced criticism as such however Im not a fan of well meaning friends or family who advise you what you should do when you dont ask for their opinion on certain matters. I suppose criticism would be even worse.
                    ·
                    • Mariaj
                      Destructive criticism is only based on their perception of your faults or mistakes. There are 3 types of criticism: Destructive, Constructive and Instructive. It’s not nice Breezy and I think you should get new friends if you have talked to them about it and they keep doing it 😊
                      ·
                      • Michael L 1005928
                        Criticism is not good,it hurts us all and does not make the world a better place.
                        ·
                        • Pamela G
                          No it doesn't.
                          ·
                      • JANET R 328390
                        To be quite honest with you - I do NOT agree criticism is ALWAYS envy. My personal advice is I would think VERY CAREFULLY if these are true friends. I would try giving them a miss for a while and find some that make you feel special. Sometimes friends can do it as some weird type of humour .............. don't go along with it. Best wishes to you - FIND SOME NEW FRIENDS who treat you right. A "REAL" friend will lift you up.............. You are better than those who put you down - remember it.
                        ·
                        • Julie K 348980
                          My friends say “you look lovely in that”. My sister says “you would look lovely in that if you lost 10 kilos”.
                          ·
                          • JANET R 328390
                            Yes - my sister would too - but NO WAY would I accept that from a supposed friend.
                            ·
                        • Manel 1271300
                          Hi Breezy if your friend criticises you why do you OWN such criticism? Especially if that doesn’t apply to you? If you DISOWN it YOUR FRIEND the one who has to take it back. Understand? It’s like someone gives you a present and if you don’t take it then it has to be taken back by the giver. Got it? It’s such a pleasurable and simple MIND CRAFT to practice, after that your mind would be free from noticing or absorbing such ill-feelings coming from anyone. Good 😊 Luck!
                          ·
                          • Mariaj
                            Great way of explaining it Manel :-)
                            ·
                        • Sonya F 68771
                          There not real friends find new ones
                          ·
                          • JANET R 328390
                            Totally agree.
                            ·
                        • Michael B 384408
                          Shrug it off - are you sure they are criticizing or teasing or are you too sensitive? Just don't let it get to you.
                          ·
                          • Pam G 449028
                            Find some new real friends.
                            ·
                            • Phyrephly
                              friends can give constructive criticism, sometimes should give it, too. but in the right way, and where anyone would know that it was given in love, or concern for the person it was directed at. But yeah, nit-picky, rude, deflating stuff - just toss it away. saying, "I'll take what you're saying under advisement" or "I'll pray on it" or something usually does the trick. But easier said than done sometimes. I tend to keep reminding myself that anyone who goes out of their way to make others feel bad about themselves, must be in a pretty dark place themselves, and avoid mirrors. Got a family member (by marriage) like that, it is a pain a lot of the time.
                              ·
                              • Paula J 395266
                                Sorry, friends don't criticize friends. It isn't envy either, they just don't like you. My suggestion, fiend new friends.
                                ·
                                • Beryl M 1009442
                                  They are not friends at all..A friend is someone who walks in when all others walk out. A friend Cares for who you are and not what they want you to be. No not envy, just spiteful
                                  ·
                                  • Colleen M 510798
                                    It could be, but it's definitely not a good thing. There is such thing as constructive criticism, but if they are just saying stuff that isn't specific to let's say a piece of artwork or something you worked on then I don't really see why they would criticize you. I would have a talk with your friends that do this and let them know you don't like it and it brings you down. If they don't try to make changes then I would have to walk away. The last thing anyone needs is to feel worse about anything. Life can be hard enough. I imagine your friends probably learned it themselves by parents, teachers, their other friends and it seems normal to them. Sometimes when we are raised with something being normal we don't understand it as bad until it's brought to our attention and even then sometimes people just don't get it. I guess it's a possibility they could just be joking, but you didn't really give any examples of what they would say, but more than likely it's best to move away from that kinda thing.
                                    ·
                                    • Jania S
                                      Friends only give constructive .
                                      ·
                                      • Maureen G-Melb.Vic.
                                        I agree with you Sylvia if you can't something nice, say nothing.
                                        ·
                                        • Sylvia Y
                                          I go by the thought that if you cant say something nice about someone it is betrter to say nothing
                                          ·
                                          • writerrochelle
                                            A true friend might lovingly give you constructive criticism to help you better yourself, but really true friends will love you unconditionally. ;-D
                                            ·
                                            • Glenyse H
                                              Forget them and just get on with your own life and be happy
                                              ·
                                              • GrumpyBsd
                                                Well obviously they are not your friends because real friends like you even for your foibles and annoying traits.
                                                ·
                                                • Paul W 383502
                                                  Friends?
                                                  ·
                                                  • boy blunder
                                                    i have friends who criticize me for the things I do yet I have friends that champion me for the same thing, I am who I am and I take everything on board and accept everything that is said to me , I go home , have a bourbon or two and get on with being me
                                                    ·
                                                    • Shetland Tony
                                                      I had a mate who constantly criticized me (and others as well) for just about everything. Anyway, another good friend gave me a bit of sage advice. She said, maybe you should try to understand why he’s criticising you in the first place (AKA – BE THE BIGGER PERSON). In the time you take for yourself to reflect on the situation, don’t just think about how angry you are. Instead, try to flip your mindset and understand why that person is criticizing you to begin with. It probably has more to do with other issues in their life than with you. It can be tough to swallow your pride like this, but it’s better than responding irrationally. Her advice was very thought provoking and made a lot of sense. Emotional reactions have gotten me in trouble in the past. Even though it can feel good in that moment, I’ve found I handle myself much better after I take a step back to think about how I want to respond. This way I have time to stop seeing red and form a constructive response. Friendships require tons of effort from both parties and sometimes people just grow apart and reach a point where being friends doesn’t make a ton of sense anymore, and that’s ok. It might be hard, but ultimately will eliminate that extra negativity from your life. Some people are a grey sprinkle on a rainbow cupcake and are the reason God created the middle finger. Just saying…
                                                      ·
                                                      • Simone S 316632
                                                        Depends what their motive is. Some do it because they don't know how to make you aware of some behaviour that is unacceptable in a nice way (being blunt), others will criticise out of jealousy or becuase they are just mean spirited.
                                                        ·
                                                        • Paul B 522937
                                                          Ignore them
                                                          ·
                                                          • Phillip H 667301
                                                            Genuinely nice people can criticise, so long as it's constructive criticism. There is a big difference between criticism, and straight out vilification or verbal abuse. I'm sure that, as you are at least aware of that behaviour or manner, you are genuinely a very nice person.
                                                            ·
                                                            • Mary M 1222775
                                                              Your friends shouldn't criticism e you. Just tell you truth if you are doing something wrong. People are very judgemental theses days. They should have a look atvthemselves first. A true friend would not criticise you.
                                                              ·
                                                              • nina m 212027
                                                                my ex was always critazing hence ex none of my freinds have done thist that i know of if behind my back them there not friends
                                                                ·
                                                                • Jan H 753322
                                                                  A friend should be honest and supportive, critisism hurts and sometimes we all need to be a bit kinder to each other
                                                                  ·
                                                                  • Helen L 750218
                                                                    No, not always. But, i dont know you or your friends. :)
                                                                    ·
                                                                    • Robert 1315955
                                                                      Don't let anyone ruin your day! Stay away from negative people
                                                                      ·
                                                                      • Bugalugs
                                                                        Criticism is envy? Is that some new psycho-babbler's clap-trap to make people feel good about themselves? If someone criticises another person it is usually because of some, rightly or wrongly, perceived failing in what that person does or says and most certainly not because they do or say something of which the critic is envious. Maybe Its Time to have a good hard look at yourself and consider whether what you say or do is deserving of criticism or do you really think that every word you utter, ever thing you do is so perfect, so ideal it is all above criticism and that you and you alone are always in the Right! If my friends criticse me I accept it and then check out if what I have said is wrong.
                                                                        ·
                                                                        • Laura W 363255
                                                                          Not much of a friend if they do this!
                                                                          ·
                                                                          • Chosen
                                                                            No one would or does criticise me as I have no faults.
                                                                            ·
                                                                            • Robyn B 1237345
                                                                              Not my friends
                                                                              ·
                                                                              • VICTORY
                                                                                WHO
                                                                                ·
                                                                                • Carol S 657195
                                                                                  I'm not sure why people are so quick to criticize. I never thought of it as envy. I think of it more as human nature, and perhaps they don't realize how much they do it. I think you should discuss it with them and tell them how it makes you feel. If they can't change for the sake of your well-being, then they aren't friends. Surround yourself with people who are positive and give you compliments and reassurance, so you know they really care about you and have good reason to be your friend. They don't deserve a good friend like you if they criticize you. That can ruin your self-esteem and your happiness. Know that you deserve better!
                                                                                  ·
                                                                                  • Jenny L 591463
                                                                                    If a friend that criticises you then they aren't a true friend and I know friends can be hard to find these days. We think we need them in our lives and about 7 years ago I lost a so called good friend I had known a long time. The thing that upset me the most was some one not so nice was proven right that they were just using me. My husband gets quite upset because he knows how hard I try to keep in touch with people and when I get little back it makes him mad and some what angry and he says it should not be so hard, unfortunately these days it is. Of course I allow exceptions for some people but not many. Finally last year I threw my hands up and said well I am not trying so much these days and if they want me in their lives they can call, write, email, phone even etc etc. Some people just don't give a toss and that is fine I can live with that. Just don't expect some thing without any effort or input. That goes for any one not just friends but family too.
                                                                                    ·
                                                                                    • Tiffany L 690503
                                                                                      It depends on the precise situation that is getting criticism on
                                                                                      ·
                                                                                      • Shawn B 1061185
                                                                                        Who do you consider to be your “friend”? Criticism is natural if your opinion differs factually from someone else. Critical thinking is what has brought us out of the dark ages (even though America is drifting quickly back). It needs to offered with tact and compassion as well as a real solid reason for the critique.If people are just giving you grief just for the fun of it, say “goodbye”. You don’t need the aggravation and turmoil. Enjoy your life and don’t pay any attention at all to those who want to disrupt your happiness.
                                                                                        ·
                                                                                        • yvonne l 1107206
                                                                                          if i am ctriisc i hand it right back at them
                                                                                          ·
                                                                                          • Phillip H 667301
                                                                                            Well said. If they don't expect to 'get as good as they give', then they are somewhat of a bigot, who think "My way or the highway". Hopefully, for their own sake, and happiness, they will realise that perhaps they should be more of a nice human being.
                                                                                            ·
                                                                                        • Shelia C
                                                                                          My Friends do not criticize me. They say and do things that motivate me not deflate me
                                                                                          ·
                                                                                          • Mopos
                                                                                            No, they are not friends!
                                                                                            ·
                                                                                            • Margie R 723298
                                                                                              Aren’t really friends
                                                                                              ·
                                                                                              • Allen B 175494
                                                                                                Friends you can do without.
                                                                                                ·
                                                                                                • Pat C 618241
                                                                                                  Are you competitive? If you are in your early 20s chances are you are! Stirs your friends to do likewise.
                                                                                                  ·
                                                                                                  • Colin L 88398
                                                                                                    Not really.
                                                                                                    ·
                                                                                                    • Tarann C
                                                                                                      They are not friends just acquaintances ignore them
                                                                                                      ·
                                                                                                      • Michelle 1281734
                                                                                                        I say find new friends. Friends are supposed to build you up not tear you down.
                                                                                                        ·
                                                                                                        • Empress
                                                                                                          they aren't friends if they make you feel bad
                                                                                                          ·
                                                                                                          • Doneva 1304059
                                                                                                            real friends don't criticize
                                                                                                            ·
                                                                                                            • Norman PSBHRJ
                                                                                                              If your friends brings you down so often there is 2 choices in my opinion. Talk to them and be brutally honest with them and tell them how you feel. 2nd. they are not worth it, walk away and find better friends.
                                                                                                              ·
                                                                                                              • Liane H
                                                                                                                Make a note to yourself .. (I'm not sure how old you are by the way) but going through early 20's you may find friends of that age are still in a competitive mode with you as they were in school. The friends you have through your 20's may be more in numbers but going through your 30's and 40's you may have fewer but better quality ones as you learn to say no to some in the end. You don't always need to attend that night out or pick up their calls constantly. Life changes! If someone makes you feel like you want to take a step back by their comments, like uncomfortable / Stunned even ,,, take it as a red flag. You might have this occur a few times before you realise to get this person out of your life if you are a sensitive and forgiving type , They just see you coming and take advantage again. There is criticism available from good friends when u ask for their advice, and you should receive it in a manner that you understand and feel ok to agree or disagree with. 😊
                                                                                                                ·
                                                                                                                • JANN R
                                                                                                                  I have never had any friends that have criticised me thay are the best and we are like family if they did they would not be friends to me
                                                                                                                  ·
                                                                                                                  • Pamela G
                                                                                                                    You are lucky.
                                                                                                                    ·
                                                                                                                  • JANN RPamela G
                                                                                                                    thankyou I have very loyal friends
                                                                                                                    ·
                                                                                                                • Mountainman Canada
                                                                                                                  By looking at the number of responses to this issue I believe a nerve has been struck.
                                                                                                                  ·
                                                                                                                  • LEAH G. (Philippines CEBU )
                                                                                                                    For me just ignore them its not important and I dont care about criticising.
                                                                                                                    ·
                                                                                                                    • Mountainman Canada
                                                                                                                      my real friends don't criticise me and I don't critise them either.
                                                                                                                      ·
                                                                                                                      • Lyn A.
                                                                                                                        I have few friends as am not socially minded. However if so called friends criticise you are they really friends or enemy's in disguise. Depending of course if the criticism is valid or not
                                                                                                                        ·
                                                                                                                        • mary c
                                                                                                                          Yes when people say critical things i reckon it's coz they are jealous or envious. Tho' also people that care can be critical if they think something might have a bad outcome for you. Really depends on the situation. I find it really hard not to criticize my daughter- it's just i can see how things will pan out..and then not to say "i told you this would happen"- hard not to say that one either!
                                                                                                                          ·
                                                                                                                          • Elizabeth T 396096
                                                                                                                            Criticism isn't always envy related. People that care will criticise because they want you to do better or have something better. Criticism isn't always negative. Providing a proper critique of things gives both the positive and negative. If people are jealous they generally will not congratulate you if you have a new car, good job etc or compliment you if you look good or have a nice house etc. These jealous individuals (where possible) will try to get something BETTER than what you have so they can feel above you, They generally will not criticise as they do not want to overtly show jealousy (they will just internally seethe). Perhaps it is you who is either too sensitve, taking critcism the wrong way or know, on some level, that whatever they are saying is correct but you are not ready to admit or face it yet so you are looking for a reason for their critiques.
                                                                                                                            ·
                                                                                                                            • lynda e 390007
                                                                                                                              I think you needed to give an example of how you are criticised because if your friends are doing this in what manner do they mean? And what age are these people? But sounds to me like you need to surround yourself with real friends not wonna be friends.
                                                                                                                              ·
                                                                                                                              • Carolina Z
                                                                                                                                avoid them. they are insecure. just pray for them if you may.
                                                                                                                                ·
                                                                                                                                • Cynthia 1319252
                                                                                                                                  Those arent true friends or they are jealous of you. People who criticize others are unhappy with themselves so they attempt to make others unhappy so they feel better about themselves. Don't let them get to you, be yourself.
                                                                                                                                  ·
                                                                                                                                  • Maria B 89860
                                                                                                                                    They are obviously "green" friends not "red faces" burning with shame! Be a "phoenix rising from the ashes" and carefully pick out new friends who understand you better and vice versa.
                                                                                                                                    ·
                                                                                                                                    • Lachelle B
                                                                                                                                      No,envy isn't criticism. Does it bring you down because you think you're right? If your friends bring you down often, you need new friends.
                                                                                                                                      ·
                                                                                                                                      • Carolyn K 714554
                                                                                                                                        Some critical comments can be in your best interest. Some critical comments can be hurtful. If they are your friends, they would not want to hurt you. If a comment is said with love, it is fabulous.
                                                                                                                                        ·
                                                                                                                                        • Sheree T
                                                                                                                                          I would find new friends if they behave like that. As long as you are not overstating everything you say then they should not criticize. A true friend should be able to have a proper discussion with you without putting you down.
                                                                                                                                          ·
                                                                                                                                          • Ryan 1284839
                                                                                                                                            Depends on the kind of friendship you have. If the criticism comes from a place of caring, it may not be so bad. The person, the criticism is directed to, has to take a step back and reflect on why it is made. If it's from a place of jealousy, then you really aren't friends. If it's made because your friend cares about you, you just might want to take a closer look at yourself and see if the critique makes you better.
                                                                                                                                            ·
                                                                                                                                            • Amy B 1078427
                                                                                                                                              I don’t think people have room to criticize others.
                                                                                                                                              ·
                                                                                                                                              • Tupulua S
                                                                                                                                                point of correction is good, but for people who push their negative view or wrong idea in your face. stop them right there and tell them, you DO NOT want to hear
                                                                                                                                                ·
                                                                                                                                                • Squirrelsmo
                                                                                                                                                  Not necessarily out of envy. It may be constructive criticism, something that they think you might learn from. If it's not beneficial to you, they shouldn't be doing it. You didn't really specify what they criticize you about so it's a little ambiguous to say...
                                                                                                                                                  ·
                                                                                                                                                  • Anna 32662
                                                                                                                                                    People will continue to talk you down as long as you allow it. I no longer associate with people like that, it is their way of keeping talk about their wrong doings or failures out of your mouth, they "over talk" you.
                                                                                                                                                    ·
                                                                                                                                                    • Suzanne S 1017427
                                                                                                                                                      You know who you are...they do not
                                                                                                                                                      ·
                                                                                                                                                      • Frank K 593543
                                                                                                                                                        People who do that should look in the mirror first.
                                                                                                                                                        ·
                                                                                                                                                        • Pamela G
                                                                                                                                                          That's right.
                                                                                                                                                          ·
                                                                                                                                                      • Igor A
                                                                                                                                                        You do not have to take offence. Better find something to criticize them in return, That will probably be mutually helpful then. Ignoring is much worse,
                                                                                                                                                        ·
                                                                                                                                                        • Ruth v
                                                                                                                                                          If your friends critize you they are not really your true fiends.
                                                                                                                                                          ·
                                                                                                                                                          • Pamela G
                                                                                                                                                            Amen to that.
                                                                                                                                                            ·
                                                                                                                                                        • Claude H
                                                                                                                                                          If they criticise, they may not be true friends but it may be helpful so you choose.
                                                                                                                                                          ·
                                                                                                                                                          • Maree B 85308
                                                                                                                                                            Is it critasism or observation? Speak up and let them know how you feel. Sadly if they don't listen and adjust their behaviour, you might need some new friends.
                                                                                                                                                            ·
                                                                                                                                                            • Susan KTC
                                                                                                                                                              Critique is one thing, criticise is another! True friends may give their opinion with kindness, however if they are being critical, I feel they may be jealous or envious, and that is sad 😞 for them, not your problem! I call these type of people ‘energy vampires’ Maybe it’s time for new friends…
                                                                                                                                                              ·
                                                                                                                                                              • Pamela G
                                                                                                                                                                Energy vampires indeed.
                                                                                                                                                                ·
                                                                                                                                                            • Rhonda D 522615
                                                                                                                                                              Only if the criticism is meant to help. True friends do not do that.
                                                                                                                                                              ·
                                                                                                                                                              • SueM2
                                                                                                                                                                No problem if it is constructive criticism, but nastiness is not a trait I would accept in a so-called friend.
                                                                                                                                                                ·
                                                                                                                                                                • Jeanine R
                                                                                                                                                                  I understand the question but it is worded wrong in my thoughts. I say if you are a friend you can be critical of something and be nice about it, I see if it happens all of the time that it is a problem. We also all say things not quite right at one time or another. Maybe try talking to your friends in a non imposing way, Good luck. Have a great day all.
                                                                                                                                                                  ·
                                                                                                                                                                  • The dog house
                                                                                                                                                                    I recently dumped a friend for doing just that and have done so with another two other friends that I felt were using me. My sister is my best friend and no other can hold a candle to her, as the saying goes. There are millions of people out there and plenty to choose from. Leave the ones who are causing you mental health issues. They will not change it is who they are. Probably something to do with their low self esteem. Don't let them do this to you they are not worth it.
                                                                                                                                                                    ·
                                                                                                                                                                    • Woofers
                                                                                                                                                                      Criticism is also a no-no where family is concerned. Parents in particular. Pay attention people, advice is one thing, but ongoing Criticising becomes TOXIC.
                                                                                                                                                                      ·
                                                                                                                                                                      • Woofers
                                                                                                                                                                        Are they friends? I don't believe that they are. Get rid of them.🙃
                                                                                                                                                                        ·
                                                                                                                                                                        • pam rae
                                                                                                                                                                          never had, a blessing,their lost
                                                                                                                                                                          ·
                                                                                                                                                                          • Teri 1282723
                                                                                                                                                                            Call it envy if you feel better, but these people are not your friends. You may hang out with them regularly, but that's not the definition of friendship. Your true friends are those around you who build you up, care about your well-being, want you to succeed in life, like to be around you and be affectionate with hugs and laughter - and you're a friend if you do these things for them. You want to share good times but you're there for each other in the bad. It's a form of love that you have for your friends and envy has NO PLACE in friendship. Breezy123, I think you're likely still quite young and you will learn with age and experience what I'm talking about. You can't possibly feel good about yourself or confident when these 'friends' are criticizing you. Please, for your sanity and self-esteem, find new people to hang out with.
                                                                                                                                                                            ·
                                                                                                                                                                            • Sandy S 24335
                                                                                                                                                                              Well said Teri. You're very right and I couldn't agree more. Friends are always happy for you and supportive in good times and bad - certainly not envious. Envy is jealousy so you don't need "friends" like that - ever. No matter how positive a person we are, NO one needs that.
                                                                                                                                                                              ·
                                                                                                                                                                          • Helena H
                                                                                                                                                                            No . I don't agree that criticism is envy. I unfortunately am sometimes critical, but only if the person can do something about it. Constructive criticism is what I try to say.
                                                                                                                                                                            ·
                                                                                                                                                                            • Ghostgirl1971
                                                                                                                                                                              Get new friends
                                                                                                                                                                              ·
                                                                                                                                                                              • Susan R 1248787
                                                                                                                                                                                Unless it is constructive it usually stems from jealousy!
                                                                                                                                                                                ·
                                                                                                                                                                                • Dani 1334346
                                                                                                                                                                                  Criticism is not true friendship.
                                                                                                                                                                                  ·
                                                                                                                                                                                  • david j t
                                                                                                                                                                                    never thought of that you are right friends sometimes want to steal from us lie to us manipulate us how do we cope??
                                                                                                                                                                                    ·
                                                                                                                                                                                    • Tavi
                                                                                                                                                                                      Sorry to hear that...
                                                                                                                                                                                      ·

                                                                                                                                                                                      No comments
                                                                                                                                                                                      AboutForumPrivacyUser agreementContact Us