Discussion of the Day
Caring responsibilities - do you have them and if so how do you manage
Timtam22-Sep-22
As parents get older & children grow into adults we generally expect them to become independent & this reduces the load on parents.
However, when children have disabilities which affecting their ability to become & remain independent, the expectation and reality of parent's lives can be that they are caring for offspring into adulthood.
There are people, (mostly women) who may also be caring for their own parents as they age. Others may be caring for their spouse or partner due to illness or disability as well as juggling other family responsibilities.
Other carers are children & teenagers who themselves, providing care for a parent/s with disabilities.
Some grandparents take on care of their grandchildren when their own offspring either are unable or unwilling to provide care for their children.
What is your experience ? Who do you care for i.e adult offspring? Parents? Someone else ?
Do you get any help ?
Comments
  • Edward S 497347
    My ex-wife was disabled with a deteriorating disease when I met her and was wheelchair bound but was able to use a walking frame to get around as her condition deteriorated I closed my business to look after her full time. Even when I had that business I mainly worked from home so I was always her full time carer. However, her mum who was her carer before we met became jealous that I took over her role as carer and she did everything she could to break us up. I put up with it for 4 years then we seperated. Caring for someone can be very difficult but when you love someone you just get on with the job of caring for them. There is an old saying, "Life was not meant to be easy". I do however feel sorry for young children who have to look after their parents because it affects their education, their development, and their whole childhood. Apply for NDIS if you need the help Although life was not meant to be easy it also was not meant to be very hard either
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    • Jennifer H 722364
      Get an ANCAP assessment done as soon as possible could take 6 months set wheels in motion and if full time care is neede it puts you on a list .Check if there is respite in your area could be hours ,days ,weekend break not sure if it cost but its an option if the carer is drain not much good to the person requiring care . Church people may come and sit with someone while you do something for yourself or run an errand . Caring for someone takes a lot of committent and patience and understanding and at times we have to make tough decisions but never put your own health aside -time managent and asking for help benefits both parties even someone to vent to in the hardest of times lightens the load.
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      • Ann H 652541
        I get some help I am an older adult and I have two children and they help out when they can but I can take care of myself for the most part my car got totaled and I am debating whether or not to get a second hand card or ride a bus wherever I need to go on my certificate I am 70 years old but I do take care of most of my needs.
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        • Kevin L 1010680
          I think everyone with free time should care for someone else even if it is a stranger, lend a hand Jesus did.
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          • Paula J 395266
            My husband has pre-dementia and I was a carer for my 95 year old mother who resided in a nursing home. While my husband has his ups and downs my mother did tend to take up more of my time as she aged but after with the constant lockdowns then the vaccine mandate for nursing homes both her health and mental capacity suffered. Staffing numbers became acute and the residents of the nursing home began to suffer from neglect. An infection that went untreated for some 16 weeks resulted in mum suffering a heart attack and more recently a person fell on mum causing her to break her knee. Although I was told she was being treated by a physio mum was unable to walk when the cast came off and she was left in her room. She told me she didn't feel like eating so I took her bickies, chocolates and lollies then the RN rang to say mum had lost 2 kilo's and they were concerned. I requested mum be seen by a nutritionist, don't know if she ever was, and that she not be left in her room. I visited mum Tuesday before last and she looked terrible, I asked about her not eating but was told her BMI was normal, she looked like skin and bone to me, they said she was taking fluids so I got her some cup-o-soup, she asked me to prop her up which I did then she asked if I could visit again in a few days. A doctor rang me on Friday to tell me she was dehydrated but comfortable so I went to see her on Sunday. I didn't know who I was looking at and asked whether she could see or hear but was told she had been speaking. At 6.50 on Tuesday my mother passed away but have not been told what from. I told the RN I want the cause of death to be "vaccine mandate" but I'm pretty sure it won't say that. As I left the nursing home for the last time I looked at the residents I have seen and spoken to for years and they have all aged terribly and I feel have been neglected. There were 3 bedridden, one that was bright that now sits dozing off and wears compression stockings and another who now requires a walker and is terribly thin. These people used to laugh and joke but now sit in silence. I hear from others that all nursing homes are much the same now. It's a national disgrace. I am asking all of you to please back the call for a Royal Commission into the handling of the Pandemic. Our elderly deserve better treatment.
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            • Judy T 470524
              I wish I had these responsibilities. My mother passed away at the age of 48 when I was 21 and my father passed away at the age of 54 when I was 17. I am 60 now & still miss them.
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              • Mary M 329762
                This world if you have kids or not is the same. Same kids will let they parents alone. Never see them. Its up to person in the end want take care of parents or not
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                • Pam G 449028
                  No, but st the moment I am doing the housework for my sister-in-law who has blood cancer that has eaten through a art of her spine. Very sad.
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                  • Imperia S
                    I worked for 5 years in the Caring system, which has been a God sent, for my now full-time caring duty for my husband, who suffers from all sorts of problems. after a fall, As I tell everyone that asks, It's hard but I take my wedding vows very serious
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                    • Sheree T
                      Have not been in that position.
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                      • James R 393760
                        My wife has Motor Neurone Disease - a very cruel disease and it has affected her power of speech and swallowing ability. We have help and it is most appreciated - but it has manifested quickly and is very confronting.
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                        • Paula J 395266
                          It is indeed a cruel disease. My friends sister suffered from it.
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                      • MARGARET p 388156
                        I care for our son with Autism
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                        • Tim R 439287
                          Good jod
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                          • Saara F
                            Looking after grandchildren. It is so exhausting and unappreciated.
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                            • Paula J 395266
                              It is unappreciated but I loved rearing 2 of my grandchildren. It made me feel young, although having to change a nappy after about 30 years was quite a shock.
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                            • Angie
                              Saara… There is respite care available for you at no cost to grandparents raising grandchildren. I know many lovely approved caregivers through Oranga Tamariki (if in NZ) or child services in many countries may be able to help
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                          • Mariaj
                            I don’t have anyone to care for apart from my boys…but I would if I could :-)
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                            • Greg B 520364
                              I don't care. But I do care. I have a wife, children, and grandchildren. I'm lucky, All I have to do is care.
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                              • Jeanine R
                                I did mine before with my mother and a brother that was unkind with me and also with her at times, That is done and now I can focus on other things
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                                • The dog house
                                  Mine would be my mother. She is 93 and no longer independent. I need to go to the shops etc for her. She Loves her bingo so I try to take her weekly. Not always easy
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                                  • SUSIE W
                                    No help with myself and my hubby who both have issues
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                                    • Elizabeth A 807208
                                      I cared for my grandchildren so their mother could go to work. Today it take both parents working to make ends meet. Then I took care of my mother as she got older. Then I took care of my husband who was ill for over ten years and until he went into aged care and he is now in pallitive care. I am so grateful that after an operation my daughter has taken care of me but I am also thankful that I am starting to do things I couldn't do for a long time as I don't want my daughter to go through what I have/
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                                      • SUSIE W
                                        Ur so caring xx
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                                    • Jenny L 591463
                                      Well there are 3 siblings in my family and yes my parents are at that stage where they need a little extra help. We live 2 and half hours away and my brother and sister about an hour away so they are the closest. My sister lived in Malanda and when she got here she said I am here now. Leaving my husband and myself feeling like we had been replaced. We went over one time and the house was not very clean and my sister had been there and she knew we were coming. (my actually words were the house was putrid.) So while we were there I did some cleaning and recently we went over and my husband vacuumed all the down stairs and I did some dusting and we got Dad to clean the oven. We go over about 5 times a year. My sister at one stage thought she could look after them and get paid to do it but they have too much money for that. If we were to look after them they want us to move in with them but we want them to move in with us. So who knows what is going to happen and My Mum says some funny things some times so the mind boggles. All I can say is it will be sorted out one way or another in time. Although we do think about it often.
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                                      • Tupulua S
                                        Caring is a commitment that we can NOT get away from . I help caring for my disable friend. A nurse comes in every second day, i fill in the caps to cook and make conversation
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                                        • Barbara T
                                          I cared for both my mother and father for 7.5 years; had no help as I was an only child. Perhaps that is why I have chosen this career path and become more patient with people in general, particularly the elderly (whom I have lots of time and compassion for).
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                                          • gordy
                                            With great difficulty. Brother with mental illness. Insidious illness.
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                                            • Pat C 618241
                                              We are a family of just 2. My daughter has declared herself independent of me. Two of my family siblings are dead. Luckily both my husband and me have stayed relatively healthy into our 80s.
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                                              • Tiffany L 690503
                                                I really don't have much yet
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                                                • Val B 69099
                                                  My husband is my carer but sometimes i end up caring for him. That is what love is all about
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                                                  • Ann D 328814
                                                    I care for my daughter who now lives in her own place with her dog. Have got NDIS which is helping a lot with her needs. Still the worry is always there of what will happen when I am gone.
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                                                    • Sonya F 68771
                                                      I cared for my father before he passed while i was working and he was living in his own home but did have outside help for meals and cleaning
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                                                      • Pamela H 1003947
                                                        I lived with and cared for my mom for 2 years until she passed. I had a lot of help from my sister.
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                                                        • Wendy Q
                                                          I know how it can be a burden, I look after my husband and he does a bit around the garden when he can. It's hard work.
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                                                          • Larry S 382961
                                                            My wife is Filipino and the family always help out others in a difficult situation. No words get spoken but things happen. You can have a meal and look around and the dishes are getting washed. Table cleared. Times I have been there and asleep my clothes have been taken and washed. Everyone gets into it and helps. I think Asian culture does this no matter what country
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                                                            • LEAH G. (Philippines CEBU )
                                                              So true Larry Asian filipina women they will help always other thats there attitude have a good heart and the parents teaching there children a good virtue..
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                                                          • 77ccusmc
                                                            I took care of my husband until I got sick. Now we take care of each other. We both have Medicare and I have VA benefits so we are not eligible for extra help. That’s what happens when you work your whole life.
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                                                            • boy blunder
                                                              it takes a lot of bourbon, good bourbon but a lot, I care for my wife, daughter, and autistic grandson, and also look after my 3-year-old grandson the[ tornado], my 12-year-old granddaughter helps after school,but that nightly glass of bourbon is as good as taking of your shoes n socks after a long day i can tell you
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                                                              • Lyn A.
                                                                You have an awful lot on your plate. Hope you get some 'outside' help as well. If you are not getting help start looking and making a big noise to get the help you require.Please don't put too much burden on your 12 years Grandie
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                                                              • boy blunderLyn A.
                                                                is only one glass a night it is my panadol so to speak,Kacey my granddaughter is a godsend and a terrific help, have recently been approved for ndis for hunter my autistic grandson but cheers yes help is coming
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                                                            • Margaret K 949266
                                                              My children all moved out got married and our on their own
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                                                              • Bugalugs
                                                                and who is providing Care for those Parents, Grandparents when they get old and need to be helped? In most Western societies today, unlike Eastern ones, the children and grandchildren simply do not want to take care of those who did so much for them when they were young, and so we have those ghastly "Old People's Homes, Residential Aged Care Facilities (they are NOT "homes") where the idea is to feed them for $6.10 per day and Profit is the sole interest of the majority Religious organisations which own them The young today want the biggest house possible with all the amenities yet they cannot find room in those McMansions for their Parents or Grandparents!Before you jump down my throat, yes, I do realise that when it comes to people with advancing Dementia they need Specialist Care in Nursing Homes, but in the early stages they function well and can continue to be part of, and make a contribution to, their Families and the Community. In Eastern society multiple generations live together, unless it becomes impossible to care for someone, they don't shuffle their parents or grandparents off into some impersonal sort of prison where they are left to rot away and never be visited as seems to be the preferred practice in the West.
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                                                                • Betty 588797
                                                                  I am an in home health care aid. It's challenging at times. But most days I walk out after my shift and think to myself "Job well done chick"
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                                                                  • Rebecca B 614374
                                                                    I care for my husband, who has Cerebral Palsy. He's actually one of the luckier ones, as he had a fair amount of independence, but there are still a number of things I have to assist him with, such as showering, and also negotiating steps and other uneven ground,
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                                                                    • Sweetums
                                                                      Its super hard emotionally to help take care of your young spouse as they slowly slip away. I can't even believe it's real I can't even talk about it without breaking down Thats all I have.
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                                                                      • Helen L 750218
                                                                        Im not in that situation yet.
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                                                                        • Sweetums
                                                                          Pray you don't have to be at all or for a long time.
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                                                                      • Joanne S 1007733
                                                                        I care for people with disability
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                                                                        • Sweetums
                                                                          I admire this as it truly takes a very loving and compassionate person to do it. If you ever come to the point where you are resentful of any of their needs or don't like to do it, then please for the sake of individuals who have no control over their physical situation, get out of that line of work. I promise you'll find another career that you like better if you still have to work. But God bless if this is what you love. You are special if you like helping others in such need.
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                                                                      • nancy b 1002224
                                                                        I am dealing with my Mom, who has dementia/alzheimer's-constantly trying to keep her somewhat in realityville. Also my son, who has bipolar, anxiety, etc-i help him calm down and refocus on things. A struggle, but it's what you do for family.
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                                                                        • Sweetums
                                                                          God bless you for loving your family and being loyal to the most valuable gift from God, our families.
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                                                                      • Paul B 522937
                                                                        They get paid by the welfare to support them with disable relatives
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                                                                        • Sweetums
                                                                          I wish I could receive some financial assistance. We live on $840 a month which is not possible. We don't do anything or hardly eat. My family pays our rent and electric. We do have simplicity in our daily life. I'm disabled myself so caring for my dying young husband of 49 years old isn't easy. We want one wish we've wanted before he died and that was to go to the California ocean and sit on the beach and try and express to one another our undying love and that what we believe is that we'll be reunited in the afterlife, after Jesus comes to the Earth for the second time. It will be a glorious day and we will see that our faith paid off and we never will have to be sad or alone or hungry or sick again. We'll see the beach then.;-) I KNOW THIS!!
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                                                                        • Paul B 522937Sweetums
                                                                          I’m so sorry for you I have been lucky to live in a country that cares for everyone I wish you luck and hope you will see the beach soon . God bless you both
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                                                                      • Christopher F 213467
                                                                        I cared for my wife when she was run down by a car several years ago, she is now caring for me after a major bowel re section due to abscess and diverticulitis
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                                                                        • Cocoabeansmom
                                                                          I'm sorry for your health problems, & I'm sorry about your wife getting injured. It's a blessing you have each other.
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                                                                        • Christopher F 213467Cocoabeansmom
                                                                          sure is - thank you
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                                                                      • Glenys H 310155
                                                                        I have worked as a community carer, also was carer for my husband for 5 years until he died... you have to remember that you cannot care for someone else unless you care for yourself. You cannot pour from an empty vessel. If you are caring for someone try to connect with some form of respite service or carers group. Respite services can be in the form of day groups for the person requiring care to give you a break or can be for time in a nursing home or group home to give everyone a break. Carers groups give carers the opportunity to meet up with others that are providing a caring role and you have a sounding board for solutions to possible problems you may encounter.
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                                                                        • Catalina
                                                                          I don’t only occasionally for my grandchildren if they are sick. But I’d be happy to care...till I can.
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                                                                          • Robin L 79437
                                                                            I was the sole carer for my husband from 2015 until he died in 2018, it was a hard time manly because watching him suffer an at times feeling helpless to do anything, I don't regret being there for him 24 hours a day. I was a labour of love.
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                                                                            • kristian s 513441
                                                                              My parents are in their 50s and in couple more years they would be in their 60s in which they would need my help.
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                                                                              • Sonya F 68771
                                                                                60 is not old
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                                                                            • Amber 22
                                                                              Hope everyone can do well
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                                                                              • JANN R
                                                                                I WAS CARING FOR MY MOTHER WHO IS 97 IT TOOK A LOT OF MY TIME AND HAD TO GIVE UP WORK BUT SINCE MARCH SHE WENT INTO A NURSEING HOME BUT I STILL DO A LOT FOR HER BUT IT HAS ALSO GIVEN ME MORE FREE TIME TO DO THINGS AROUND THE HOUSE THAT I COUNDNT DO AS MUCH OF BEFORE BUT ITS STILL HARD AS SHE IS NOT HAPPY IN THE HOME
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                                                                                • mary c
                                                                                  Feel for you Jann- i understand. My husband is an Assisted Livng community as he needs specialized care but he hates it. I feel guilty every day but also know i couldn't cope with him at home. Esp the rage and frustration he has from being paralysed and unable to speak.
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                                                                              • Claude H
                                                                                I am 89 & bloody independent. I manage & don't want to be a burden on my family. They deserve a life of their own
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                                                                                • Lyn 78550
                                                                                  I cared for my mother at our home for 7 years prior to her passing. My nephew for 2 years due to family not having him and his issues. Cared for my disabled sister for 8 years. In all of these people they gave me love all my life and it was difficult but a joy to do this for them. Have never regretted it and know that I will do the same again if necessary. I think that it does help that I have always cared for people as I was a nurse.
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                                                                                  • Donna M 594867
                                                                                    My son was born 3 months premature and weighed a pound and a half! He blossomed, thrived and became a semi-pro skateboarder when he was 18. He then injured his knees, but he is alive, well, and working hard!
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                                                                                    • Suzanne F 832961
                                                                                      My Nephew contracted encephalitis at 2 weeks old and it totally ravaged his brain and left him blind, brain damaged, non verbal and unable to communicate as well as numerous other issues. He wasn't expected to survive past 5 years old. He was only one of 5 survivors of this hideous virus worldwide so doctors didn't know much and still don't. He is now 36 & still going strong. My twin has an exceptional support network now but early on there was buggerall help for her. Things continue to improve with services available but it's a hard position to be in. Her husband couldn't accept the diagnosis and walked away from the hospital without looking back so she has cared for my Nephew solo. Hats Off to her and so many others who take on this hard task of caring for someone who is totally dependent for their everyday needs and doctors aren't sure how to treat/manage such an insidious and rare affliction
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                                                                                      • View all 3 replies
                                                                                      • mary c
                                                                                        Same went for my husband when he had a brainstem stroke. The Dr's had never had anyone with it before as it is so rare- he was 48 and it wasn't diagnosed until it was too late. They took him off being ventilated and just put an oxygen mask on him- expecting him to die. But after a week he was still going and blinked yes to having a feeding tube put into his stomach. Its scary when the Medical people are not familiar with a situation.
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                                                                                      • Suzanne F 832961mary c
                                                                                        My Sister & I both believe Dr's were "Guinea pigging" him. Do you feel the same? To a point, that's fine but WITH consent and information to family. Open door. Not dodgy brothers
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                                                                                      • mary cSuzanne F 832961
                                                                                        I know what you mean..he was on a Stroke ward but was the youngest by far and hadn't had anyone with Locked in Syndrome from a stroke before. But it was meant to be. He could have been in a bigger hosp with expert Neuro team but he wasn't. Reading that your twin has great support network- its become the opposite for me. We had alot in the beginning but over the years it has dwindled down sadly. I guess that's time and people having their own things going on.
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                                                                                    • galarina
                                                                                      i have cared all my life for people now that i am being cared for myself and its strange being cared for at this time of my life
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                                                                                      • Cocoabeansmom
                                                                                        My husband is 74, will be 75 Nov. I'm 63. He has cataracts, glaucoma. Has lost some vision in right eye, left eye getting fuzzy. I do all shopping, errands, yardwork, taking care of pets. I knew when we got married he had the disease, that he will go blind. I have no problem taking care of things.
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                                                                                        • Gillian G 939184
                                                                                          We have our grandson - it can be a mission ??
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                                                                                          • Angie
                                                                                            I have worked as a caregiver for 15 years. I absolutely love it and wouldn’t want to be doing anything else with my life. The rewards are huge! What you give out you get back 10 fold!!! To help and care for those less fortunate than myself, is hard work, and extremely tiring at times, but the rewards outweigh the negatives! “Feel the love and volunteer to care” is what i would suggest to anyone wanting to enrich their lives
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                                                                                            • mary c
                                                                                              I have the greatest respect and love for my husband's Carer's- they mean so much to me. And what they have to do...not nice sometimes. Paralysed hubby has just got over bowel bug thing..say no more.
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                                                                                          • Vicki C 891784
                                                                                            I am the older. It’s rough.
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                                                                                            • Denise C (Qld)
                                                                                              Having been a Personal Care Worker in the community for 10 years I witnessed many such cases you have mentioned. The amount of love sacrifice and devotion shown by family members was astronomical and very moving not to mention never ending in a lot of circumstances. I believe even though with some receiving daily help it was never enough particularly for those who needed care 24/7 who were bed bound or used wheelchairs.
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                                                                                              • mary c
                                                                                                Thanks so very much to you for being a Carer. Greatest respect.
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                                                                                            • Suzanne S 1017427
                                                                                              I did care for my spouse with cancer..until the end..he psssed at home..
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                                                                                              • lin r
                                                                                                hugs to u dear
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                                                                                            • LEAH G. (Philippines CEBU )
                                                                                              Yes I am the one who taking good care of my grandma, grandpa & my parents when they needs help specially if they are sick .& it's my responsibility to take care of them because they are my family specially all my children nieces & nephews. If someone got I'll in our family they call me because I'm a nursing aid.
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                                                                                              • Julie K 348980
                                                                                                I am the one that needs help but as no one else does anything for me, I have to take care of myself.
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                                                                                                • BLACK LIVES MATTER
                                                                                                  One, my parents demanded I leave their household when I was thirteen years old, and I have not seen my parents in fifty-eight years and counting (sometimes life IS fair). Two, I have not seen any of my siblings in fifty-eight years and counting. Three, I am not what you would call a caring-and-sharing individual when it comes to my fellow homo sapient - if I NEVER see anyone in my BIOLOGICIAL FAMILY - again - I would consider myself - VERY LUCKY! Four, if I should happen to outlive my money (and I grew up POOR - outliving my money scares the F... out of me) - life and my society (USA) schooled me about making hard decisions - I believe you have the right to commit suicide (but then I evolve into an atheist) without having to leave a note "behind" - explaining WHY you commit suicide!
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                                                                                                  • allin
                                                                                                    it ain't nobody's business but yours Walter,,other than you being black, and me being red, we seem to have some common ground my friend,,
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                                                                                                • Linda C
                                                                                                  I cared for my mother for 3 years up till 1 hour before she passed. I have been caring for my son for all his life and he is now in his late 40's. I guess once a parent always a parent and yes it is hard on my own. I also cared for my daughter for many years. It is what it is.
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                                                                                                  • Rhonda D 522615
                                                                                                    So far, just my children and spouse. Eventually, as my parents age, I am sure I will take care of them.
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