As it is your husband's family, it is perhaps up to him to advise them of your circumstances. If he is unwilling to do this and you cannot afford this draw, then I would be advising them of an illness in your family so you will be unable to attend.

you could get online and see if there are specials for hampers etc. The idea of checking out op shops is a good one. Bear in mind if anyone especially family look down their nose at you and your hubby because of your circumstances, it's not worth being with them for Christmas and feeling bad. I have family members who I wouldn't even spit on if they were on fire and just have gone no contact. Take some time out with hubby, maybe have a nice picnic somewhere.

I guess you are referring to presents. Do you have children who are missing out? Do you meet at all? We have Secret Santa. We can now say what we would like. We receive something of the same value. There is lists and the people who draw them make sure you don't get the same person again the next year. You may or may not find out who has you. Meals we all take some food. So there isn't too much of the same food we have an agreement what each person will supply. Maybe you should just discuss it with your husband and say if his family lowered the cost you could join in the fun. Ask him to discuss it with them

What is a Xmas draw anyway? Sounds very expensive. Seems like a plot by retailers to get people to spend money they can't really afford. If it means that you have a draw to decide who is giving whom a present, set a strict limit, say $10 for the present. That should work.

Sorry, I don’t understand Xmas draw. Anyway, the family might understand if they knew.

Why not visit a couple of OP SHOPS and choose a couple of gifts from them that way you are giving twice because you are helping those who need that extra help in the community by buying a gift and yourself for not spending a whole lot and if they don't like it suggest they give it to a charity shop to be resold. It is the thought it's family they care .

As the oldest member of my family I have watched my 2 middle siblings fade and pass away. I've never heard of a Christmas draw in our family. My youngest brother has a birthday a week after my partner's birthday and we get together for a meal but alas his wife is also not very well and we are pensioners, so it's our local club. Who knows how long we can get together for the joy of sharing Christmas together.

My husband and i have a small apartment , so when christmas comes around we have a small rree rhat we putup and even though theres no gifts for each other we do have sugar free candy and a nice dinner at home . you se our parents are gone he has but we do nor have christmas with any of them ,, we keep to our selfs . borher and i have soime family members

This is one tradition I have not heard of, I think they can be reminded gently that there are circumstances beyond your control/ I also feel that you can visit without money being involved as it is your family also, Best of luck.

Change it up .You may you are not be the only family member struggling .Come up with a new idea maybe a byo family gathering at a relative home or park. Throw in the cost of living has risen and the funds are stretched .

While I do sympathize with you I don't have any problems because as a Christian I don't celebrate Christmas. This may seem at odds with Christianity but at the risk of sounding like Scrooge or the Grinch Christmas is NOT a Christian celebration but a pagan one. First of all look at the date, December 25, that's the tenth month of the year, not the twelfth. Do you want to celebrate your birthday 2 months late? The story goes that the Magi went to visit the baby Jesus in a stable. Yes, Jesus was born in a stable but as Mary had just given birth she would have been deemed unclean and would not have been able to entertain people. The account says they were met at the "house" so Joseph and Mary were by then back at home. The lovely warm and fuzzy story gets darker when King Herrod tells the Magi to come back and tell him when they have found the baby. They didn't but travelled home by a different route. What was King Herrod's reaction, he sent his soldiers out to kill every male child under the age of 5. So some 5 years had elapsed but every male child under 5 paid with his life. Nice little story to curl up with isn't it.

I would just tell them the truth but I would talk to your husband first as its his family.

Why can’t you respectfully communicate the truth?

They seem to be a bit uncaring or a lack understanding of your situation. You can include them out.

The meaning of Christmas is not about GIFTS

They Should realise your circumstances.I would suggest you do some thing else for Xmas. Instead of gifts invite an oldie who may not have a family, to have Xmas meal with you all & all taking a plate to help the extra cost of the meal

If they are any sort of family they should understand, or maybe they could help you out, maybe you should tell them you are struggling and Christmas is hard for you, after all it's not what you give each other it's about the love and GOD etc. make something, to me that would mean more. Have fun this Christmas with your family, love and blessings to all xx

Honesty.

Stick to your budget. Family should understand

i dont bother because we dont see family over Xmas.

I have no idea on that one

Suggest regifting or everyone making gifts rather than buying.

suggest a secret santa and have a small budget

Suggest a change and make it a Fun, event with just gimmicky,, irrlevant gifts. as Lindy B1381390 says below. Unless they are without any Compassion, tell them the Truth that you simply can not afford to take part and they will get behind you. If they start that nonsense of inferring theat you both are just being cheap then the best thing you can do is have Christmas without them.

Just give a present you can afford. Family should understand it.

Fake covid and go into "lockdown" then do your own thing and try not to get caught...good luck...do not actually get covid...that would suck

Budget a wee bit tight atm, let’s play another game, secret Santa with just fun gimmicky gifts!! Foods, family, friends & fun are the real reason we get together.

Be honest, just say you can't afford it. Lower the price your self as you can buy nice things that don't cost the earth. I don't do gifts for any one any more, I find it too hard to come up with ideas. What does it matter what you spend on some one if they can afford it and you can't isn't that taking away it's the thought that counts. Bake some cookies and stick them in a nice jar and put a pretty bow on it.

I hope things improve soon. its hard to put moneys away but even if it's $1 each month it all helps .

I am sorry to hear that I hope things get better for you and your family.

Save some money in advance, like a bit a week in a piggy bank, then but a cheaper present in the draw, the others don't know the exact price. he'll still be in it.

the kids and I make things for Christmas gifts and cards which we give to the adults,. I got a couple of dozen used scratches and on each card, we wrote could wait to see if you won, sorry you lost, Merry Christmas Hunter, Nova, and Kacey,[my grandkids] inexpensive and hopefully they get a giggle out of it, the year before it was times are tough and money hard so all you get is a xmas card, my family enjoyed that do what you can do if it causes stress don't do it xmas is about smiles on dials

Just be honest and tell them your simply not in a situation to spend more than you can afford and if they care at all, they will understand.Too much pressure on families at Christmas time and things need to change,it's not always about the gifts.

Dear Cynthia you are lucky to have a family that cares for you Every best wish Robert

Since the pandemic we stopped that... giving gifts to adults is a no no only kids get gifts and you know what nobody complaints,we had a conversation about it and all agreed that times are tough and just being together is enough.

Family gathering

HAVE AN HONEST CONVERSATION.

Others in the family may also wish to lower the spending. Most everyone is financially challenged these days.

Never did this, just another unnecessary action about a mythical person

Be honest with them reminding them that your husband has been off work. Our family does the draw and one member of the family didn't want to be part of it and it hasn't made any difference to our relationship or Christmas

I would think they would understand because a lot of people are going f through what you are and they should have some reasoning in purchasing cheaper gifts..I don't think there should be an amount that you have to pay. It's the thought that counts "in my book".

Don't worry yourself sick over a tradition that does not work for you. Family has to understand your situation. Christmas is love, anyway, and gifts are for those who can afford it.

Easy, become a Muslim. Problem solved.

Buck the Xmas draw. The kids in particular would get more pleasure from a toy or bag of candy than from a dollar bill on the day. When I was younger I would make Xmas gifts as my budget was not great. One year I made a huge batch of mint sauce then bottled it with hand made labels for the larger family. Another year I made fruit baskets out of millions of paddle-pop sticks - and I remember seeing one of these recently at an elderly Aunt's house, so it has been appreciated and displayed for more than 50 years!

My ex husbands family did this as their family was large and getting bigger every year through partners,kids etc. They had a $50 limit. But it was also buy what you could afford. So if I could only spend $20 I did ,as did others amongst the group. Honestly,I believe it's thought that goes into the gift,not the price. You have a choice,either speak to his family( or whomever decided to to organise Xmas draw) and encourage them to have more affordable option. Or buy something you can afford and not tell anyone how much it's costs. Try online clearance sales,community noticeboards or even make/ grow something yourself. Everyone is doing it tough,there is no shame in spending less on gifts,the greatest gift is being surrounded by family/ friends. Best wishes and hopes for a happy xmas

tell them,, we are very sorry, buy we cannot afford to buy presents this year,, you only have to please yourself,, families can be overbearing at times,,

I would spend only what a could afford. Christmas time is for families to get together. It's family not presents.

Christmas is for being together

how about something homemade. Jams or marmalade, sauces or if you are crafty something like that. I prefer something that has been made with love to something bought. the ones I give homemade things to love it also.

Christmas is the time for getting family and friends together. It's not the gift that counts but the thought. When my 3 children were kids I would buy one big share present and lots of little presents. For the adults often a gag gift or something practical, like socks or undies.

In my family we mainly by gifts for kids. For friends just a small thing to mark the celebration. We just buy what we can afford. I won't put myself in a financial strain for anyone.

All of us agreed still the same amount $10. Each person. That’s it.

I have decided to not buy for the adults in my family or friends any more as everything is too expensive. These days I'll only buy for my two youngest grandchildren. We will still have a meal together as usual. I might buy chocolates for the older children.

Only buy within your means. Who cares what the others spend, that's their choice. Don't put yourself into debt because of a tradition which doesn't suit the situation any more. Have a look at op shops/thrift stores, look on Marketplace, eBay, etc for bargain items. Check out sales, there will often be half price sales nearing christmas. You can always make something. Shortbread is easy and not too expensive.

Sorry, Cynthia D 1209850, I don't celebrate the holidays anymore, so I'm at a loss myself as to what you should do. Not celebrating takes care of everything. Why can't you all just share dinner together, pot luck? ;-D

We did Christmas draws in my family for a while. Everyone gave what they could and no more. We were just glad to be together. Or if you want to give them something nicer try to look for it on sale or something similar that is cheaper.

Suggest all gifts are handmade, or recycled or thrift shop in origins. I have given certificate for cataract removal (Fred Hollows Foundation) $25.00 to my blind mother, or a goat to a 3rd world family through World Vision. Could be chickens or something else. Perhaps they would be interested in pooling all the money, however much they can afford, and give it to a charity. Remember the true spirit of Christmas.Edited 26-Oct-23 07:57am

I don't know may be just get what you can afford or make something you think they would like

Since we live on a pension the only ones I give money to at Christmas is the 4 grandchildren and two of them a teenagers. I do not give to the adults anymore, I believe that Christmas is for children.

They are family and supposed to have your back when things are bad, so hopefully they just don't realise how tough financially it has been for you. Try having a word on the quiet with the one who does the organising (there WILL be one!) suggesting a "no presents for adults" rule?

tradition can be stopped.. CALL ALL THE SIBLINGS IN AND CREATE SOMETHING ELSE TO DO

Speak to the organizer, privately, and ask if you could change up the rules this year and put a limit say $25 or whatever your budget can tolerate. Most people these days understand times are tough. If you get any flack about it, politely decline and don't go over on Christmas day until gift giving is over.

Try making something home made and interesting. A box of homemade biscuits, or other hand craft. They can't complain about the cost, because it is more personal.

Be straight up, just tell everyone you are only receiving gifts this year and hand out rain checks for the future.

Honesty is the best policy.

Just tell them that there other things you need to spend your money on more than presents. Maybe you could contribute food or something. If they don't like that then maybe you need to go somewhere else for a while. I suspect your husband's feelings may already be hurt over his family's lack of consideration towards his situation. Have a quiet Christmas at home this year. You're not cheap, you just have other priorities

I’m assuming by Xmas draw you mean you only get to provide one gift for one person? Our family if all together finds this the better choice for everyone, and puts a limit in it ie 20-40 dollars. We have some amazing recycling shops and or anything handmade is always appreciated ie jam’s, sauce’s and dressing’s. In your case maybe it’s time for a family gathering and discuss what would be a comfortable option for everyone, most of all we must remember to be grateful and count our blessings, nothing is better than families and time togetherness…

I’m assuming by Xmas draw you mean you only get to provide one gift for one person? Our family if all together finds this the better choice for everyone, and puts a limit in it ie 20-40 dollars. We have some amazing recycling shops and or anything handmade is always appreciated ie jam’s, sauce’s and dressing’s. In your case maybe it’s time for a family gathering and discuss what would be a comfortable option for everyone, most of all we must remember to be grateful and count our blessings, nothing is better than families and time togetherness…

If they haven't figured out things are tight after a few years why would you spend time accommodating their needs instead of you and your husband? Family wouldn't put you in this predicament.

In this economic reality many of us are struggling. Be honest, suggest an amount you can afford and then leave it to the family. I know we have opted to spend time together not money.

I stopped celebrating xmas years ago with no regrets 😁

Tell the truth dear. The truth will set you free. If you have a bag of charcoal briquettes for your barbie fill Christmas socks with those and give to your husbands family. Santa doesn't like uptight pretentious people. It's not about the value of gifts ....it's thought that counts. I'm sure the family will understand the meaning of the giftEdited 26-Oct-23 04:46am

For Christmas, my first family gets together on Christmas Eve where there is the OPTION to buy or not. Men buy a man's gift, women buy a women's gift. They are put into a man's pile and a woman's pile. If you brought a gift, you can pick one from the pile. Simple. We all agree on the range for cost which is usually around $20-$25. Maybe you can bring this up one day soon and see how many people are interested. For the kids who are too young to be happy with something a man or woman would like, the parents of that child brings a gift for them to open. I don't think there's been a year yet when everyone participates. A few times I've actually bought something to take to the party and then decide I'd rather keep it for myself than risk getting something bought with someone else's taste, which is sometimes not something I'd want. Anyway, this works very well for us and maybe some others on here would like to try it this year. Especially with inflation so bad I think everyone would appreciate having the ability to opt out. And let me be the first to say Merry Christmas to all who celebrate it and Happy Fall/Winter/Party Season/New Year to everyone everywhere:)

I wouldn't state anything-I would make a gift, and that's from the heart and sincere and can speak volumes.

plead poverty

Let them know why you cannot take part. If they really love your husband and you they will understand.

Christmas is not about how much you spend or all the gift you get and give. People have completely forgotten what the true meaning of Christmas is. How about forgetting all the gifts and so, how about sharing a fantastic meal with the people you want to spend Christmas with and just enjoy each other company.

I think if you are honest with them they should understand

Where our family is only small we have never had a draw but I can see where it would be difficult to say anything since it’s the giving season and we all want to do our part…but maybe it would be nice if knowing your hubby is not working then they could take that into consideration when deciding the amount of the gift but we all know how families can be about the amount and not the thought!

I agree just tell them. It's hard with the price of things going up all the time.

Me and my family are not CLOSE - haven't seen my family (or in-laws) in decades (this is NOT an issue for me). However, in your scenario - I would inform them - we are NOT participating in this Family Xmas draw this year or any year in the future!Edited 26-Oct-23 03:25am

be honest and tell them!

LOL this will sound cheap. My family has money but I don't anymore. My siblings wanted to throw out all of my parents things when they died but I guess I am a bit of a hoarder and like old things, so I kept everything they wanted to throw out. One year I gave my sister some of my father's panel beating tools so she could make a wall hanging for her garage. Last year I made her wall hanging out of our mother's old dollies (beautiful and matched the era of her house perfectly...if I do say so myself lol) She spent 100's on me...The cost of my present to her...Priceless!! She was rapt!! It's the thought and the memories that make the best presents. lol My Grandnephew has just started shaving...not sure how he will go with his Great Grandfather's shaving brush! One of my male friends has volunteered to teach him how to use a cut throat razor lol Last year I made all the Grand Nieces and Nephews personalised journals so the could write down what they have achieved (all sports mad), what they want to achieve in life, pets they have had etc etc Gave them something to do over the xmas holidays and will be great for their resumes and to look back on in later life.

HM, NEVER HAVE DONE,WELL, IT'S OK NOT TO TAKE PART IN A DRAW. JUST ENJOY Xmas.....

Just mention it at thanksgiving that the budget needs to be lowered

One gift other than a lot can be beneficial but the economic limit can be too high. Tell them you cannot match. I have done it to people who go overboard. I am on limited money too

I do not understand what you mean by a Xmas draw?

I don’t see all my family at Christmas ow as they live far away but we talk on the internet

They are inconsiderate and this should be explained to them..you should not have to do this in the first place...

Just buy something cheaper and let them know why

I'm sorry to hear about your situation. This past February I lost my youngest, my son and can not even think about the Holidays without breaking down. My son joined one of my daughters,she passed away in 2012. No matter what the struggle, I believe we will get through it.💔

I am so sorry to hear that you are having difficulties, but you and your partner must decide what is best for you. OTHERS HAVE TO UNDERSTAND WHAT YOU ARR GOING ON BUT HOPE THINGS GET BETTER FOR YOU TWO MIKE