Discussion of the Day
Would you attend your mother's wedding if you didn't approve who she was getting married to?
Wanita 135861018-Jul-23
Your mother has met a man only 6 weeks ago, and tells you she is about to marry him.
You found out some information about her new husband to be, and this information is extremely distressing. You tell your mother, but she still marries him.
Do you attend the wedding?
Comments
  • Mary G 409440
    It is very important for you to be at the wedding to support your mother. If her new husband turns out to be a mistake, you need to be there for her and if you do not attend the wedding there could be a strained relationship between you which would make it more difficult for you both. You must remain close and who knows, in time you might discover you actually like your new stepfather and he is a good husband for your mother.
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    • JANET R 328390
      YES I WOULD. I do not believe it is up to me to tell my mother what she can and cannot do. Depending on what it was - I may approach the future husband and let him that I know about it - but only if it was something really serious.
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      • Trish Tauranga New Zealand
        Must always respect your mum. Let her make her mistakes as we all wil and do
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        • lulu
          dont know
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          • Annie P 543018
            Mum's are everything, guys come and go, pffftt
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            • Anneliese
              I mean it's hard, people an be very blinded by love. I found they often don't trust the advice of those closest say even if they have the best intentions so perhaps you could get a friend or one of hers or even someone else to chat to her or warn her of him or of a similar situation before she makes a bad decision. Also could hint to her to protect herself and her assets if she decides to still go ahead with the wedding but at least then she's safe and knows he's not just marrying her for other reasons and not a financial one. Heard of many stories about people scamming others this way and knew of a couple that married quickly then the wife had an accident and died and the new husband kicked out his step children because he found a new partner weeks later and he got all the assets as she had no will. You really have to be careful, people are not always as they seem.
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              • roger l 315504
                Yes, it's also called respect
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                • Mary M 329762
                  Ask her if she want to know something about husband to be or my work mum..... this happened what do I do mym. But sometimes your mother may know in the began.
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                  • Liz 1325540
                    Yes! I'd be there for the food, wine and a laugh!
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                    • judy W 15921
                      yes why not, we are allowed to make our own decisions as adults
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                      • Victoria 1304258
                        Yes
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                        • Paula J 395266
                          Yes, she is an adult and she is my mother after all and as a daughter I must support her. You never know that today might be the very last day for either of you. Life is too short for trivialities.
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                          • Edith v
                            Yes my mother is an adult .Are you only worried about your inheritance?.If you care for your mother you will be supportive & if she does make an error you must be there for HER .I am sure mothers see their kids making errors but they are always there to pick up the pieces& maybe she is lonely .Perhaps you could suggest they live together
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                            • boy blunder
                              absolutely, your mum is sacrosanct she is the closest thing to god you will ever meet in your lifetime so if a doushbag makes her happy let it be so then after he shows his true colors you wack him and help pick up the pieces
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                              • Paul B 522937
                                yes
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                                • Catalina
                                  Yes.
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                                  • Jytte (Auckland, NZ)
                                    Depends on the information I guess. However, I'd at least know he ain't marrying her for money lol. I guess I'd go but I'd definitely stand up when they ask who objects!
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                                    • Craig S 1050522
                                      yes
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                                      • AuntyMandaBoo
                                        I would tell her all I know and if she’s stupid enough to go ahead with it , I’d go to wedding and when it all goes south I will be there to tell her I told you you .. !!
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                                        • Edith v
                                          How nasty of you!!! .If as you say if it all goes south a loving daughter would NOT do as you suggest.
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                                        • AuntyMandaBooEdith v
                                          I would…
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                                      • Robert T 597718
                                        no
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                                        • Maria B 89860
                                          Yes and when the when the does any one object question is asked speak up and have peace of mind that you tried to avert disaster if she still goes ahead.
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                                          • Tiffany L 690503
                                            It depends on the marriage
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                                            • Elvira D 70287
                                              It's a bit of a personal choice how you deal with this situation because sometimes it can become complicated.
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                                              • Rebecca B 614374
                                                That's a curly one. I would attend out of love and support, but I can't say I'd be happy about it.
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                                                • Carrie C 565223
                                                  Didn’t have a choice when we were young . Mum married the stepfather from hell . He died 23 years ago . Karma! he went to hell because god wouldn’t have let him through the pearly gates .
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                                                  • peter w 94893
                                                    That's sad to hear. A mother's first duty is towards her children. If someone mistreats them they should be turfed out.
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                                                  • Carrie C 565223peter w 94893
                                                    Yea you would think so but not my mother she’s selfish
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                                                • Elizabeth 1354187
                                                  Even if I did not approve, I would attend as long as she is happy that's all that matters to me.
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                                                  • Edith v
                                                    Good on you Elizabeth you are a loving daughter
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                                                • Ellen C 69679
                                                  I didn't approve of who my mother was marrying, they hadn't been together long, I didn't and still don't particularly like the man or how he treats her nor does the rest of our family. Granted they had been together longer than 6 weeks and I don't know the full story of all this. I still had to go and support her when they did get married. Knowing I would also have to be there when it all fell apart. I would say that if you don't go be prepared for the possibility of a big rift in your relationship, going and being there for her whether you agree with it or not would at least mean less damage to your relationship.
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                                                  • Grommie
                                                    I'd tell the old sheila she was barking mad and that he's only after your dough.. see if that stops her... but prob go to the event and throw the vicar out of step when he asks if any just cause..etc... I'd get my lawyer to stand over both of them with a pre-nup
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                                                    • Sweetums
                                                      At my mother's age, she has the right to make that decision. I would go out of love for her, but I'd still tell her of my concerns. Respect thy elders.
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                                                      • Kirsty
                                                        Yes, so I could yell 'I OBJECT!' lol, not really, yes Id go to show support her, even if not the marriage
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                                                        • Sheree T
                                                          I would be extremely concerned if she were to rush in and get married after 6 weeks. And I would certainly let her know that I was extremely concerned about it. I would attend the wedding because she is my mother and tell her that I am only there as she is my mother not because I agree with what she is doing.
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                                                          • Jan H 753322
                                                            I would go because life is so short and even though it has only been six weeks sometimes we just know that they are the person that you want to spend the rest of your life with
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                                                            • Bugalugs
                                                              It's her decision. If she is made aware of the possible issues then that is all you can do. She is, after all is said and done, supposedly a mature, reasonably intelligent person. That being said, for anyone to decide after just 6 weeks that they are going to marry someone makes me wonder just how bright they are? As the old saying goes Marry in Haste, Repent at your Leisure.
                                                              ·
                                                              • Helen L 750218
                                                                dunno
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                                                                • Rose I 1205334
                                                                  Nope
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                                                                  • Jenny L 591463
                                                                    I wouldn't do any thing I would regret later on. If you're close to your Mum I would go but just to support her and I'd tell him I don't approve as it is all too quick. Can you really know some one after 6 weeks? I guess if you know you know and if she seems happier then I would go. We must remember we can't live some one else's life, we can't live through them and we all need to make our own mistakes even if it is hard to watch. Besides if it all goes wrong don't you want to be with your Mum picking up the pieces? If you alienate your Mum now you may never get that chance to be there for her when she may need you the most. I hope this helps you and I wish you a better outcome and a chance to be happy even if it isn't the situation you were hoping for. We need to make the most out of life and loosing my Mum would be soul destroying for me as we are close.
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                                                                    • Igor A
                                                                      What can you do? She is your mother. Accept that.
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                                                                      • Janet H 854956
                                                                        Yes, for all the reasons already given!
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                                                                        • Priscilla R 316016
                                                                          Of course, she is still your mother and needs your support now and in the future.
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                                                                          • Jania S
                                                                            What a question. Who wiped your arse, clothed and fed you, until you got a job. and this how you think. If you cant go to the wedding, respect your mother, and stand by her, then ..
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                                                                            • Katzeye
                                                                              6 weeks is not long enough to know someone let alone marry them but definitely go to the wedding to show your mum that you care and if it's such distressing news then she will find out down the track what kind of man she really married.
                                                                              ·
                                                                              • Katzeye
                                                                                I hate these kind of topics because it's too close to home for me,my dad never attended my wedding but not because he hated the man I was marrying.He boycotted my wedding because my mother said if his new bride goes I won't be at your wedding baring in mind that my dad's new wife was the one he had an affair with while still married to my mum.To cut a long story short and it is long Lol,both my parents put me in a Position in which I had to make a choice between them both,no child should ever have to do that.Back then, we're talking over 30 years ago now,I was a naive young thing but now I'm in my early 50's and they did it to me again,I would just tell them both straight up that they are both invited with their respectful partners and if they choose not to come then their loss.
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                                                                                • Jenny L 591463
                                                                                  Yes families can certainly be hard and your parents shouldn't have put you in that position in the first place but they are your parents and you still love no matter what. Yes easy to say what you should have done back then with some age and maturity. I would have told them to grow up and stop acting like children but then hind side is a virtue.
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                                                                                • KatzeyeJenny L 591463
                                                                                  Oh absolutely.
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                                                                              • Paul J 94868
                                                                                I suppose i would...
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                                                                                • Wendy Q
                                                                                  I would def tell her,but then it's up to her, I respect her wishes
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                                                                                  • Ruth 1287594
                                                                                    Of course you should attend. What a question!! Your one and only Mum for ever. Could you hurt her like that?. Go, put a smile on your face and she will know where she can come to when she needs someone - and she will.
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                                                                                    • Manel 1271300
                                                                                      Yes! She will face the consequences if Man-Husband turns out to be a Villain! She's an adult, her decision should be respected for better or worse! If bad things would happen in the future, I would still support her because she's my Mother after all😍!
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                                                                                      • Maree C 80174
                                                                                        yes
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                                                                                        • APB
                                                                                          Yes
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                                                                                          • Cathy S 315728
                                                                                            with the amount of 'unpredictable' people in the world these days you would want to stay as close to her as possible so as to help/keep an eye on/assist if anything goes wrong!
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                                                                                            • Ruth v
                                                                                              Yes, I would just have to get along. I can't protect my mother is I'm not there.
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                                                                                              • Pam G 449028
                                                                                                She is still your mum, and the day might come where she will need your shoulder to cry on, so suck it up.
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                                                                                                • Henrietta
                                                                                                  No I wouldn't interfere with what's going on
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                                                                                                  • Vivian V 71608
                                                                                                    not likely to happen
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                                                                                                    • Larry S 382961
                                                                                                      MYOB. Her choice and burnt fingers
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                                                                                                      • MARGARET p 388156
                                                                                                        No but I will be keeping an eye on him.
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                                                                                                        • OKIE K
                                                                                                          Well, it would depend what you found out about him. And does mother know about it too? If so, it must not bother her that much. If not, someone probably should break it to her. But just remember, as we get older, the pool of potential marriage candidates shrinks, so sometimes we might marry someone we wouldn't have married if we were younger, depending on how badly we want to be married. Not saying we should have to lower our standards too much, but if we hold out for Mr. Perfect, we may end up not finding anyone and living out our old age alone. Some may be fine with that, but not others!
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                                                                                                          • sherry l 385634
                                                                                                            no
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                                                                                                            • Anna 1326410
                                                                                                              Depends on what the situation is?
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                                                                                                              • Shawn B 1061185
                                                                                                                Of Course! I’m not marrying the guy, why should I put a damper on Mom’s special day?
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                                                                                                                • Jeanine R
                                                                                                                  I had this happen as my mom net a guy that liked to drink a lot... I wound up standing up for her. They got divorced ten years later. Wish she had listened,
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                                                                                                                  • JANN R
                                                                                                                    I WOULD GO TO MY MOTHERS WEDDING NO MTER WHAT I THOUGHT TO SUPPORT HER
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                                                                                                                    • Sonya F 68771
                                                                                                                      No I would be hurt if she cant trust family
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                                                                                                                      • Pat C 618241
                                                                                                                        It's her life not yours. You can keep an eye out for any doubtful things but say nothing unless it looks dangerous for her future happiness.
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                                                                                                                        • Empress
                                                                                                                          Oh dear. I wish you the best.
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                                                                                                                          • Allen B 175494
                                                                                                                            keep your powder dry attend the wedding
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                                                                                                                            • Elizabeth A 807208
                                                                                                                              yes I would
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                                                                                                                              • Darla T
                                                                                                                                Yes, to keep an eye on the groom and let him know I am keeping an eye on him.
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                                                                                                                                • Catharina 1274733
                                                                                                                                  Why not? You have to witness what's going to fold up : ((9
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                                                                                                                                  • Alicja V
                                                                                                                                    Most likely yes depending on the seriousness of the information gleaned and if she was/needs to be aware of it. If the info is factually too dark, disturbing or dangerous I'd just kidnapp her the day before 😂
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                                                                                                                                    • Betty 1304189
                                                                                                                                      Yes to support my mother
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                                                                                                                                      • Paula
                                                                                                                                        not going happen on my watch
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                                                                                                                                        • Daniel A 2
                                                                                                                                          Yes I don't get a say in it.
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                                                                                                                                          • Christina P 1042585
                                                                                                                                            Yes I would support my mother but still keep a close eye on who she marries
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                                                                                                                                            • Lance P 1114997
                                                                                                                                              Yes, especially if he was really wealthy
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                                                                                                                                              • Carolyn 1339744
                                                                                                                                                Yes, if only to see his reaction and observe him during the event with friends and family.
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                                                                                                                                                • Linda B 907610
                                                                                                                                                  I did
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                                                                                                                                                  • Tarann C
                                                                                                                                                    Be there always for her
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                                                                                                                                                    • Tupulua S
                                                                                                                                                      Yes tell you mother what you found out about her new man, and yes attend the wedding out of respect of your mother love for you, but do not make a scene
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                                                                                                                                                      • Roslyn A
                                                                                                                                                        Love blinds - she is going to need my support no matter what.
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                                                                                                                                                        • kristian s 513441
                                                                                                                                                          I would still go to the wedding.
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                                                                                                                                                          • Fay H 516126
                                                                                                                                                            Depends where it is being held and if I am invited.
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                                                                                                                                                            • Stefanie Z
                                                                                                                                                              Depends if if I was invited!
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                                                                                                                                                              • SUSIE W
                                                                                                                                                                Yes Respect my mother s choices but don’t have to agree with them
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                                                                                                                                                                • Jennifer H 396811
                                                                                                                                                                  Of course I would attend and the "information" found out could be totally fabricated (some people just want to cause trouble) so I certainly would not interfere in her life and happiness.
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                                                                                                                                                                  • Colin L 88398
                                                                                                                                                                    yes
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                                                                                                                                                                    • Michelle 1281734
                                                                                                                                                                      I would be there for support cuz she is my mom.
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                                                                                                                                                                      • Tracey D 762448
                                                                                                                                                                        Yes
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                                                                                                                                                                        • Shelia C
                                                                                                                                                                          Yes
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                                                                                                                                                                          • ELIZABETH F 1074855
                                                                                                                                                                            YES
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                                                                                                                                                                            • Samuel K 1157045
                                                                                                                                                                              It would be really weird, mom's been dead for 20 years
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                                                                                                                                                                              • Helen C 677722
                                                                                                                                                                                Absolutely, how would you feel if the situation was reversed? More importantly, it is vital to maintain the relationship with your mother. If the man is not good for her, your relationship needs to be such that she can turn to you or accept your help.
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                                                                                                                                                                                • The dog house
                                                                                                                                                                                  Maybe to keep the peace I would attend and keep an eye on her in case she might need you later on.
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                                                                                                                                                                                  • Dorky Deeker
                                                                                                                                                                                    No . Stranger danger!
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                                                                                                                                                                                    • aimee b 858382
                                                                                                                                                                                      depends on how bad background is ie.lifethreatening otherwise would go just for the drama of it (and free meal) My mom has always done her own thing......
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                                                                                                                                                                                      • Dale B 1141389
                                                                                                                                                                                        I don't think so touchy touchy
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                                                                                                                                                                                        • Julian C 871299
                                                                                                                                                                                          No my parents got married one year before my time.
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                                                                                                                                                                                          • Ernie 67
                                                                                                                                                                                            I'm not sure but I don't have to make that decision ever
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                                                                                                                                                                                            • Doina A
                                                                                                                                                                                              Absolutely NO, looks like an approval of her decision.
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                                                                                                                                                                                              • Elizabeth T 396096
                                                                                                                                                                                                Parents don't often approve of who their children are marrying yet they pay and attend the wedding so what is the difference here? Did you like ever being told that there was something wrong with the person you were dating (even if, in the end, you found the warnings to be true)? The best you can do is tell the person why you don't like their partner but leave the final decision to them as you don't want to hear for the rest of your life "I only broke up with them because you told me to and you have ruined my life". The same can also happen if you don't tell them why you don't like the person with "if you knew that person was so bad, why didn't you warn me?". Damned if you do, damned if you don't so just tell the truth and leave the decision to the person in the relationship.
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                                                                                                                                                                                                • Lyn A.
                                                                                                                                                                                                  If she wanted me there yes. One may not approve of others decisions but they are theirs to make. If you found things out bout the intending groom and you passed this to your mother that is all you can do and maybe there to pick up the pieces later
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