Policeman said " Please exit your vehicle" Me" l'm too drunk ,you get in"

I remember when I was younger when I went to a wedding, my older relatives used to poke me and say, "You're next"! They didn't seem to like it too much when I started doing that to them at funerals.

In tonight's news ..Radios now pulling" Do you hear what I hear" from Christmas playlists this year..lt is offensive to Schizophrenics.

My 10 year old daughter wants to see the new pirate movie. I said sorry, you can't. It's rated Arrrgh!

Well this joke page needs a lot of help to get back up to the top again....and I KNOW that everyone one of you has at least one incredible joke....C'mon...we need ths...PLEASE SHARE!!! Edited 15-Dec-24 19:14pm

I had WAY too much to drink last night when I was out...so I took a taxi to get home...on the way there was a police road block....but when they saw the taxi they waved it on.....got home safe and sound....funny...that was the first time I've ever driven a taxi...got no idea where I got it from...its in the garage...what am I supposed to do with it?.... Edited 15-Dec-24 13:23pm

friend says to his friend I bet you are still a virgin ? i was until last night he replies, As if he said, Just ask your sister he replies! I don't have a sister he replies ! his mate replies quickly saying you will in 9 months

The teacher asks the kids What does a chicken give you? Meat/Eggs they say! very good she says,,, And what does the pig give you? Bacon/Pork chops! they say, Again very good, one more what does the big ol fat cow give you?,,,,Homework! they say

a man goes into a bar with a gun and shouts who has been sleeping with my wife, all is quiet except for the guy behind the bar who says,, You don't have enough bullets

There was a prolific contributor to all Rewardia topics and now there is not. Ummmmmm

There wus this little town... out in the desert... in the Wild West days of America....and one day a lone rider came into town...it was bad news...Big John was coming...well the townsfolk had all heard the legends about Big John...and wagons were loaded and everyone left town for their own safety...everyone except the Barkeep...well he'd been running that saloon for years...and figured he was curious to meet John...so he stayed put....well next day there was a cloud of dust on the horizon and a while later you could just make out this giant of a man....riding two bulls....as he arrived in the main street he reached down...banged the two bulls heads together and jumped clear....marching into the saloon "hey barkeep give me two bottles of whisky" he roared...ripped out the corks and drank both of them straight down...would you like another said the nervous barman?..."Hell NO man...can't hang around...ain't you folks HEARD?....Big John is coming!!.... " Edited 18-Nov-24 14:54pm

two guys are playing golf are about to tee off when he notices a funeral procession traveling along the road adjacent to the fairway he stops his approach and bows his head as it passes, his mate says that was beautifully done fella, he replies it was the least I could do I was married to her for 30 years

in life somedays you are the pigeon and some days you are the statue

I want to tell the one about big john (again)...but I need a lot of people ´to tell me that they haven't heard it first! ...I think that one is my favourite joke.... Edited 17-Nov-24 15:30pm

There was this French man...a Mexican...a Brit.. and an American on this aircraft..the plane starts losing altitude...and the pilot says that there are too many people and someone needs to jump out...the Frenchman is first...Vive La France he says and jumps out...a while later another person has to jump...so the Brit stands up...God save the King he says...and jumps out...but it is no good...they still need one more person to jump to make it to the airfield....so the American stands up...Remember the Alamo...he shouts...and throws the Mexican out the plane... Edited 17-Nov-24 15:18pm

my friend's son woke the other morning and told his dad his ear hurt,,on the inside or the outside he asked, so his son went outside and came back in and said both, his dad is putting his university money to better use

at some point in life, everybody will gamble on a fart and loose

Nice

The hardest thing about living in Queensland, is knowing what condition and colour of thongs (flip flops) to wear to formal and informal gatherings.

A white horse walks into a bar, the barman says ,” wow, did you know we have a whiskey named after you.” The horse replies, “ What Eric”?Edited 17-Nov-24 09:26am

What happened to the gorilla that went into the cake shop?

The title here should include an Englishman too.....if I get ten more decent jokes on here I'll tell you that one ...

As far as I know that joke is totally new!! ...it was adapted from a new UK joke about wasps!! Edited 15-Nov-24 20:11pm